Redirection is a technique that shifts the focus of the loved one away from a situation that causes them fear, anger, anxiety, or from engaging in dangerous and unsafe behavior, toward a situation that’s more calm and pleasant. Last month we looked at the benefits, when caregiving for someone, of redirecting their attention and behavior toward the positive. Now let’s look at the unsuccessful outcomes of negative verbal redirection in a case where someone can’t find their purse and is convinced someone has stolen it.
“Your purse hasn’t been stolen. You must have misplaced it.” Dismissing their reality of the missing purse shows that you are invalidating their feelings, negatively impacting their trust in you and possibly upsetting them further. It also fails to resolve their concern, as they still believe their purse to have been stolen.
“You don’t need your purse right now anyway.” This is negating their need to know where their purse is. Most people always need to know where their purses or wallets are, as they contain identification, money, credit cards, and other important items. What matters is that their purse is important to them right now, and if we create doubt in its value to the person, we risk upsetting and frustrating them.
“Don’t worry about your purse right now. Come have some lunch and I’ll look for it later.” This approach ignores their immediate need and communicates that their concern is of little importance to us. However, in their reality, the purse is still missing, and they will likely continue to look for it.
The common thread through these scenarios is that it doesn’t matter if the purse is missing or not. What matters is that the person believes it to be missing – this is their reality. That’s why we use the redirection technique to de-escalate the situation and return the person to a much better state with positive, enjoyable activities that bring them happiness.
