Q: I recently started a job that involves interacting with older adults, many of whom have led fascinating lives. To learn more about them and deepen our conversations, what questions could help me get to know them better?
A: Learning about an elderly person’s life can be a fulfilling experience for both parties involved. To facilitate meaningful conversations, it is important to create an environment that encourages openness. This includes using clear and direct communication, asking thoughtful questions, and following tips designed to help you gain wisdom from their experiences.
For a productive interaction that benefits both you and another person, remember that effective communication encompasses both listening and speaking. It is essential to avoid dominating the conversation, allowing space for the other individual to share their thoughts and stories.
Useful communication strategies
Practice active listening by showing genuine interest in their narrative by nodding and making eye contact. Avoid interrupting; let them finish their thoughts before responding.
Use open-ended questions and encourage them to elaborate by asking questions that require more than a yes/no answer.
Be aware of nonverbal cues in observing facial expressions, body language and gestures to convey empathy and understanding.
Have patience and give them time to gather their thoughts, especially if they are recalling memories.
Use a respectful tone by speaking in a calm and respectful manner and be mindful of their emotional state.
Ask about using technology (if they are comfortable) to record video calls or if text messaging is permissible to communicate, especially if long-distance is a factor.
Sample questions to ask
Personal history: Can you tell me about the places you grew up? Were there favorite foods you enjoyed? What were some of the most significant events in your life?
Careers and interests: What jobs have you had, and which one did you enjoy the most? Are there any hobbies or interests that you have pursued over the years? What accomplishments are you most proud of?
Family and treasured connections: Is there someone who is a favorite relative of yours? What makes them special to you? Was there a person or mentor who influenced your life decisions?
Life lessons and wisdom: What is the secret to living a fulfilled life? Are there valuable lessons you learned that you could share with others? What is the best advice you received?
Cultural and historical insights: How have you seen the world change throughout your life? What historical events had a significant impact on you? What traditions or customs do you cherish the most?
Reflections and future: What dreams or goals do you still have? Who do you wish you could talk to right now? How do you want to be remembered?
Other ways to gain knowledge
Ask for stories. Encourage them to share stories that highlight difficult lessons learned or pivotal moments.
Seek their opinions. Ask for their perspective on current events or societal changes, which can provide valuable insights.
Be open-minded. Approach conversations with an open mind, ready to embrace their views, even if they differ from yours.
Document their wisdom. Consider keeping a journal of their stories and advice, or even recording conversations (with permission) for future reference.
Reflect and apply. Take time to reflect on what others share or think and ways you can apply their knowledge to your own life.
Build a relationship. Regularly check in with them, fostering a deeper connection that encourages them to share more over time.
Learning lessons and gaining wisdom from older adults opens the door to a treasure trove of insights that can guide other generations through life's challenges. Their stories of resilience and adaptability not only illuminate paths for personal growth, but also exposes the emotional fragility of life. By engaging in meaningful conversations and expressing genuine curiosity about their experiences, we can strengthen intergenerational bonds, enriching our lives and theirs in profound ways. Ultimately, connecting with older adults can ignite a deeper appreciation for life and inspire us to approach both personal and societal challenges with greater thoughtfulness and compassion.
Karen Casanovas, PCC, CPCC, CLIPP is a health and wellness professional coach practicing in Anchorage. If you have questions write to her at info@karencasanovas.com.
